My Becoming Project

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This was my submission for my final report in my Book of Mormon class.  After finishing it tonight I felt like sharing it with others.  Not because I'm proud of it but because I hope it will help others on their own journey.

I can honestly say that this course has saved me from me.  Leading into this course I had lost my relationship with the Holy Ghost, Jesus Christ, and Heavenly Father.  I had read the testimonials about Pathway but I had grown cynical and hard-hearted to the point that I easily dismissed those testimonies.  When I read about the Becoming Project I was, frankly, turned off by the idea and dismissive of the process.  However I knew I had to do it and I remember thinking I would just go through the motions for the credit.  Having completed this term I’m shocked at how wrong I was and how different I’ve become.

By the end of the first week I was already warming up to the idea of the project.  I think this is why I picked “Disciplined Faith” as the trait I wanted to work on.  I had always held a resentment in the back of my head for not getting the blessings I wanted when I wanted them.  I had finally figured out that I was getting blessed based on the effort I was putting in.  So I had decided that I would simply start doing the things Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ ask of us. 

In my opinion the effect on me was astoundingly quick.  By the third week I was sold that I really did need to work on becoming a better disciple if I was to be worthy of the blessings I needed in my life.  At our Gathering meeting one of the women in my group was lamenting that there was no way she could become this improved person in only three months.  I replied that she had misinterpreted the intent. 

I showed her that the project is titled “Becoming” not “Become”.  I explained that the project is the beginning of a process and that very few people will become the disciple we imagine by the end of the term.  I then confessed that I would likely be working on my attribute for the rest of my life. 

At this point it hit me that while we have chosen one attribute to work on; we don’t end up working on just that one attribute alone.  As I work on applying discipline in my life, with the faith that I’ll be blessed for following counsel and commandments, I end up working on several traits by nature of focusing on the one trait. 

During this process I’ve learned to trust more in the Lord and Heavenly Father.  I’ve learned how to be more humble and accepting.  I’ve gained patience and a greater appreciation and understanding for others as well.  I never intended to focus on those traits.  They simply became part of the narrative as I went along.  As I pondered these changes in my life I started to appreciate the people I was reading about in the Book of Mormon. 

For example I’ve finally been able to relate to Nephi.  Prior to this I had always envisioned him as this stalwart servant of God.  But now I see that he worked on obedience and was blessed greatly for that simple act.  I also came to realize that Nephi, like me, was blessed with the things he needed when he needed them.  But he was not always blessed with the things he likely would have wanted at several points.  His example was that he appreciated the blessings and looked beyond the trials.

Another person I was startled to relate to was Amulek.  I remember roughly equating my own conversion to that of Saul and Alma.  I was anti-religion and knew nothing of the gospel (nor did I want to have anything to do with it).  But I had experienced a change of heart like these two men.  I had turned my back on what I was and became a new person.  However I hadn’t had an appreciation for Amulek until recently.

In previous reading I had always imagined Amulek as someone who was basically a good guy and was called by God to aid His prophet.  That was all.  I hadn’t really thought about what he had testified.  Suddenly I could relate to Amulek though.  He had said that he was a man of reputation among his friends.  Yet he then states that he knew nothing of the gospel and had wronged God by not seeking knowledge.  Amulek even nails down the exact date of his conversion (and I like to imagine he would have specified the hour and minute if he would have had a clock available).  This was his way of saying to others, and himself, that he was forever changed from that point forward.   Once again I suddenly felt a kinship with someone in the scriptures. 

This entire process has been a blessing that I didn’t know I needed before I started.  I can look back over the past few months and realize just how hard my heart had become.  I can also see how that affected those I love.  This provided me empathy for Laman and Lemuel and all who did not follow the promptings they were given. 

I’m not claiming to have had a miraculous change of who I am.  I know I still have a lot to work on and a long way to go.  But I now appreciate more of why we’re taught “line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little”.  We don’t need to work on changing all at once.  If we pick one thing then the rest falls into place automatically. 

I keep thinking about how the scripture in 1 Nephi 16:29 applies directly to me where it says “…And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things.”  The Becoming Project is about picking one small thing to work on in ourselves.  Picking that one small thing then leads to great things in ourselves. 

I’m so thankful for the lessons I’ve learned from this process and I will continue to strengthen these newly found spiritual muscles as I learn to walk before I run.